The period between scans is 12 weeks and so I can only plan for the next 12 weeks. I never know what the treatment will be for the 12 weeks after that which means I cram the rest of my life into these tiny gaps of time.
I’m also suddenly aware that I am one step away from a catastrophic episode that could end my life.
It feels like a confession every time I sum up to myself what it took to live those 12 weeks. Since my last scan I have lived the good, the bad, the ugly and the insanely normal.
The bad list reads like this:
- My dog died
- The immunization trial failed so I went onto Xeloda
- The Xeloda failed and my next 12 weeks will be on Carboplantin/Gemzar (IV chemo)
- The burden of watching your life slip away feels so heavy at times.
- I took a trips to
- Seattle to visit my daughter and my good friend Beth (@CultPerfectMoms ).
- Johannesburg for a few days on my way to
- Safari in the Kruger National Park in South Africa (where I met some wonderful people).
- Mauritius with my husband (home of the dodo)
- I collected another 60 or so books from Comic-Con to read
- I ran
- The Bolder/Boulder 10 k run with husband
- the 4-mile 4th of July run with husband and third son
- I wrote
- a paper
- a short screen play
- I went to San Diego Comic-Con and the San Diego Zoo with my husband and daughter
- I went to VidCon in Anaheim and then spent two days in Disneyland/California Adventure parks with my third son
- I went to a psychology conference in New York City and visited my eldest son who calls every single Sunday night.
- I took about 10,000 photos and lots of video. (Wait! That should probably go under insanely normal.)
- My feet and hands look as though they have been through medieval torture. Most of my toenails have fallen off or are about to.
- The toxic effects of Xeloda kept mounting up until it included high blood pressure, and nausea and vomiting.
- I was bitten by a brown recluse spider
The insanely normal:
- I did Hangouts with my far-away children, called them, texted them, and went to movies and dinner with my family when they were around.
- I watched my second son complete his first triathlon
- I exercise every single day to the best of my ability given the condition of my feet. (This one is insanely normal and good.)
- I walked/ran 600 miles
- I read
- Alan Turing: Unlocking the Enigma by David Boyle (for the second time)
- How Google Works by Eric Schmidt, Jonathan Rosenburg, & Alan Eagle
- Genghis Kahn and the Making of the Modern World by Jack Weatherford
- The Martian by Andy Weir
- 101 Kruger Tales by Jeff Gordon (Editor)
- Comics, comics, comics. I’m not apologizing.
- I cooked, cleaned, and baked bread a few times a week
- I planned for the next 12 weeks
- I was a professor, a mentor, a friend, a wife, and a mother.